The Viz Book of Crap Jokes: A Pitiful Array of Poor Quality Jokes from the pages of Viz

Product Information

Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe. Werner Hoffman, Munich .. Morbid O'Beesley – A very obese middle-aged man who pushes his wife to cook very unhealthy food for him, while commenting aloud about the damage it will do to his body. Having depression is a lot like winning the lottery! I'm heavily taxed and don't want to tell my family. Enjoyed a big opening … Noel Fielding, right, with contestants in The Great British Bake Off. Photograph: Mark Bourdillon/Channel 4/PA Luvvie Darling – a melodramatic and self-important thespian who is completely talentless. He presents himself as an A-list actor but is only offered very minor (and ultimately humiliating) roles. Darling is depicted as an exaggerated parody of old-school British Shakespearian stage actors: pompous, bombastic, profligate and pretentious in his use of literary quotes, and habitually referring to famous, real-life actors in familiar terms (such as "Dear old Larry" for Sir Laurence Olivier). Darling's name is a pun on the insincere and over-affectionate terms, "luvvie" and "darling" that actors and actresses are stereotyped as employing with each other. (for a good example see 'Absolutely Fabulous' starring Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders)

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Really? In that case, give me a Kyle!”Eight Ball Joe – An early strip from the early 1980s where the titular character is portrayed with no intelligence. Christ on a Bike – a strip which depicts Jesus's life riding a magical bicycle. Pontius Pilate has him crucified due to envy since Pilate only has a girl's bike. Dench's Benches – A strip where Dame Judi Dench lounges all over a pair of park benches and chases away a man who wanted to sit on one of them.

Here is a list of funny winning lottery jokes and even better winning lottery puns that will make you laugh with friends. So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either. My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery... I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.

NEW ISSUE OUT 03/12/2023

Hugo Hall - He Makes Things Small - A strip about a kid who discovered a unique shrinking device with which he was able to reduce objects in size. Phil's Spectre – A strip about a young boy who believes he can see a " ghost", in reality an escaped convict hiding underneath a white sheet. The strip is very similar in premise to Zip O'Lightning (see below). The title appears to be a pun on Phil Spector's name. Garry and Barry the Identical Twins – a boy convinced that a tree in his garden is actually his identical twin brother.

Captain Oats – a one-off strip lampooning the real Antarctic explorer Captain Lawrence Oates. An explorer obsessed with pornography and masturbation, he is depicted skiing across the icy wastes, dragging a wardrobe on its own set of skis upon which is hidden his stash of pornographic magazines. However, his efforts to masturbate are continually frustrated by the presence of his companions. Eventually he gives his famous line "I'm just going outside, I might be some time', and ends up in the latrine with his fingers freezing off. MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it. The Intern - A strip telling the story of Tom Golightly, who dreams of being an advertising executive and in 1981 manages to get himself a one-year unpaid internship. The internship ends up lasting decades, as Tom waits to get a paid position at his firm even as he is constantly passed over for jobs (despite making the company a fortune with successful advertising campaigns, with his bosses taking all the credit) due to nepotism. Finally in March 2020 Tom's patience pays off and he is finally given a paid job at the firm, albeit as a mere teaboy. Unfortunately on the day Tom is due to begin his actual employment with the company at which he has worked at unpaid for almost 40 years (which is also his 61st birthday) he is told he is being furloughed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, with the firm folding a couple of months later. BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan. SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".

Visit our Joke Generator!

The Nancy Boys – a parody of The Hardy Boys where a pair of boy detectives go around causing trouble for innocent people (such as getting a homeless man arrested for vagrancy.) My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery! Darling's ludicrous ham acting style and overbearing personality result in him gaining only bit (walk-on) parts at best; at worst, his only theatre employment is cleaning the theatre's toilets. In several episodes, Darling ends up having to perform in pornographic films, yet he often has trouble remembering his lines and so has the need for a prompt from a lowly stage hand. In one episode, to his delight he is offered the "leading role" in " Cyrano de Bergerac", and goes all out to produce himself as the ideal leading man, complete with a huge nose. However, when he appears it turns out that the "role" he thought he was in is actually to play the opening "roll" on the kettledrum for the opening announcement. He passionately believes in promoting the cultural value of theatre, is ecstatic at any chance to show off his self-proclaimed (and utterly non-existent) acting talent (once even in a prison, where he comes (horribly) to grief). [10] In another episode he is interviewed by "Michael Perkinson" (a blatant reference to another very famous interviewer) and with every question he reveals more and more how much of a total and utter failure he is.