How to Adult: Stephen Wildish

Product Information

The result— Your Turn: How to Be an Adult—came out in April. And judging by the reactions of some young Stanford alums, she appears to have hit her mark.

Key to the book is that “adulting”—dear grammar traditionalist, she goes there—isn’t reaching a milestone, it’s reaching and sustaining a mindset. Lythcott-Haims was 25, married and armed with degrees from two of the world’s most prestigious universities before she ever felt like she was doing more than playacting as a grown-up. As far as what’s next? She’s considering co-writing a memoir with her 82-year-old mother, which could take parenting and adulting insight into a whole new trimester of life. Her mother joined Lythcott-Haims’s household more than 20 years ago in an arrangement inspired by a goal any helicopter parent could appreciate: trying to afford a house in the Palo Alto Unified School District. Our modern understanding of childhood was invented in the late 19th century, and I wonder if our contemporary idea of what it means to be an adult emerged out of that same definitional project: being an adult is to be a not-kid. Kids are dependent on others and need constant care. Therefore, adults are independent and can look after themselves. Olivia’s program is unique and not standard therapy and so they head up to a cabin in the woods of northern California Olivia recently inherited along with her sister where Chase will learn how to “adult” something she missed out on as between her mom/manager and everyone else she has never had to do much on her own. I’ll admit, Olivia’s tough love approach seemed a bit harsh at first yet not because Chase was a spoiled celebrity with no clue how the real world works. I honestly loved watching Chase go from angry and begrudging to resigned and finally to acceptance while learning how to be a better person and how to take care of a home, personal finances, and life in general. Every time Chase did something and cheered herself on, I cheered for her as well. Yes she was spoiled and vapid at the start but it was also easy to see that she was running from the things in her life that hurt her. The word adulting has jumped the shark (Bill Maher’s latest show on HBO is called #Adulting, goddess help us), but in 2013 a lot of people found it cute. Recall, this was the era of Parks and Recreation, of “put a bird on it” — less curdled times. Brown does not claim to have invented the verb form of the noun, but she did single-handedly popularize it. “I knew it was annoying the first time I said it,” she told me. “And then I consigned myself to say it 17 million more times.”Some of the stories connect to Stanford. Lythcott-Haims tells the journey of Akshay, a 36-year-old doctor whom she remembers from campus as a warm, brilliant and clearly scared 22-year-old who would spend the next decade getting his conservative Indian parents to accept that he is gay. Others—like the 23-year-old white Lyft driver who came to the rescue when Lythcott-Haims’s Prius conked out—are the fruits of the author taking her own advice on the value of talking to strangers. His journey is one of self-reliance at an early age. Each receives equal weight. Yes, you should have fun,” she writes. “But at the same time, you’re supposed to be figuring out who you are and what you’re good at, how you’re going to make a living, who you want in your life, and how you’re going to make things better in the world, so you need to get going on that.” Lythcott-Haims’s conversational prose and can-do energy will entice readers . . . emerging with a greater sense of what adulting means and how to proceed with confidence and enthusiasm.” While the romances between Olivia/Spencer/Conrad and Chase/Zeke weren't actually annoying, glamorized, or obnoxious, they also didn't do much for me. I would have liked even more of an emphasis on Chase and Olivia's relationship and how they help each other out, as opposed to the male love interests being a primary source of their healing. It's true that Olivia needed to take risks and open herself up more, and that does include taking risks in relationships. And her history with Conrad added another dimension to the Marley plotline. But as far as Chase goes, I would have liked to see less of an emphasis on Zeke. I feel that the self-discoveries Chase made could have easily been made with Olivia, making Zeke a bit unnecessary in my eyes. Though to be honest, between Zeke, Conrad, and Spencer...they all felt a little too...goody goody? Just a little too perfect at times, apart from maybe Conrad, whose true colors shined darkly in the end.

The characters span political views, socioeconomic statuses and mindsets. Lythcott-Haims purposefully introduces each by race and sexuality. This isn’t a book where people are white and straight unless otherwise noted. For a more up-to-date take on the topic of adulting, I turned to my kids and their friends—then eighteen- and twenty-year-olds—for their definition. Sitting on the front patio of our house after feeding them brunch, here’s what I got out of them about #adulting: Your Turn: How to Be an Adult” dives into financial topics that she — and most adults — wish they knew at an earlier age, like how to start a 401k and what compounding interest is. Lythcott-Haims also writes reminders about the little things that can make major impacts. Chase London is an actress who has messed her life up. Drinking and drugs have almost destroyed her career. She has one last chance to get her life together and get this movie role. Olivia Han is the person who is going to be the one to do this for her. But will Chase accept the help and be able to get herself on the right path? But it was hard not to like her. She smoked cigarettes and was a good hang, always up for some gossip. It’s just true that some people shine bright and also aren’t villains. I think it’s taken me the better part of the past decade to realize that, myself. I didn’t work with Kelly for very long, but I didn’t forget about her. In 2013, when Adulting came out with her face on its cover, I was not surprised.

Select a format:

Every person is unique in what their goals might be, but here are some considerations and tips to ensure you get started on the right foot: Leave home. Even if you want to, you may not be able to leave home anytime soon, because macroeconomic forces have made it impossible for you to afford to live independently in the town in which you grew up. Multigenerational living works perfectly well in many cultures as long as everyone is doing their fair share. And that’s the key. It may not be realistic to expect you’ll leave home; being an adult is about behaving responsibly and accountably and having freedom and independence in whatever dwelling you call your home. Once you know how much money you have to Paying bills on time and writing thank you letters, funnily enough, didn’t turn out to be the blueprint for growing up that we’d hoped it might be (although I still do both). There wasn’t much room for making mistakes in this version of adulting – which is, of course, the only way to become truly adult. Plus, in highlighting our extended adolescence, did it compound the millennial stereotype of a generation of fragile, self-obsessed snowflakes who can’t get a mortgage because we eat too much brunch? Bill Burnett, #1 New York Times bestselling coauthor of Designing Your Life and Designing Your Work Life