He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself

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To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. After this chunk of the book, we get back into some decent ideas and usable strategies and there's an ok appendix of resources at the end. As someone who is always looking for new evidence and creative thinking about young adults’ mental health and wellbeing, I have read a LOT of books about the teenage brain or raising kids. If you recognise this behaviour pattern in your child, then I would first of all encourage you to read ‘He’s Not Lazy’ for yourself, as it is accessible, sensible and practical, but I will try to summarise the key approaches to managing the situation here.

Self-efficacy and personal responsibility are necessary skills in life; if you let you son develop those character traits and skills, he WILL eventually get there! He explains why nagging and over-parenting simply exacerbates this issue, and how stepping back and giving boys more autonomy can help them become more self-directed and find their footing. Address his fear, his anxiety, and any ‘fixed mindset’ he may have around ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I will never be able to do this’.

As the former Director of Outpatient Services at Newark Beth Israel Hospital and Associate Director at Family Connections, a mental health agency, he has supervised and trained numerous clinicians in family and child therapy.

Good advice about taking a step back and giving your son room to fail as a means of growing toward independence.Overall valid advice for raising any teenager but had some insights and suggestions that are more relevant to teenage boys. They give up, not because they are lazy but because they don’t have the skills and brain ‘executive functions’ yet to cope. There’s nothing quite as irritating as being the parent of a “lazy” teenager— nagging, micromanaging and all. The central premise of He’s Not Lazy is that what looks like laziness, lack of self-discipline and lack of motivation on the outside is actually a deep-rooted ambivalence about trying his hardest that springs from hidden issues like insecurity and fear of failure. If you do everything for your child, and don't let him fail, he will stop doing anything, because 1.