Someday, Maybe

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So at the point of writing this review, it has been about 3 weeks since I finished this book. I was actually sobbing once I finished it and I needed to think about the immerse loss I felt after completing it. While reading it, it felt like having a conversation with someone who understood, who listened, who was not just uttering meaningless 'you are gonna be fine' but telling me 'it's okay to hurt, it's okay to be in pain, live in it for a bit... when you are ready'. The brutal honesty of this book is one that I would never forget and absolutely appreciate. She also turns clichés into quirky, imagery-laden metaphors — a must when describing emotional devastation for the hundredth time. Three woman who join together to rent a large space along the beach in Los Angeles for their stores—a gift shop, a bakery, and a bookstore—become fast friends as they each experience the highs, and lows, of love. My mother loves Jesus. Therefore, she does not get stressed; she gets holy. Straining, I can hear her milling about the kitchen uttering a stream of spiritual gibberish. She must be beside herself. I respond by wrapping Quentin’s sweatshirt around my face. Gloria eventually disappears. But not for long. Since I ignore all the advice offered to me — to eat, wash, move — since this particular case of misery eschews company, and since Gloria pioneered Nigerian guile, she sends in my niece and nephew to hold my hands and stare at me with wide eyes until I am moved to sit up.

I'm just going to lay something down here because I don't want to forget my thoughts and I just haven't felt compelled to write the review I really wanted. So I'll do my best with what I have in the moment. Stunningly honest and bursting with wit, Someday Maybe is the story of grief and resilience that you won’t be able to stop talking about It’s so much more than a book about loss. It’s an exploration of the pure love of family, the bonds of friendship, the power of letting others into your circle, and the pain and stress of fractured relationships within extended family. It was one of the things I could never wrap my head around. He was never content with “okay”. He was in search of a luminescent joy. I thought he had found it. I was wrong.”After her husband’s unexpected death, everyone around Eve – her friends, her stifling Nigerian-British family, her toxic mother-in-law – is pushing her to move on. But Eve isn’t ready to face the future yet. No, she intends to take to her bed like a consumptive Victorian lady, ignoring her mother’s earnest prayers and her sister’s cajoling. Eve's family and her best friend attempt to be there for her but she often finds herself pushing them away in what becomes a withdrawal from life. Her mother-in-law, who due to racist and/or classist motives was opposed to their match, seems after her, making cruel accusations and seeming intent on making Eve’s life even more difficult than it already is. The narrative renders Eve’s sadness, confusion, anger, and despair with empathy and insight. While we do get glimpses into Eve’s relationship with Q, how they met, their years together, and the tension caused by his mother, the focus remains on Eve ‘now’ and the overwhelming grief she feels in the days, weeks, and months after Q's sucide. This is a story about Eve, who discovers that her husband Quentin has just committed suicide. On New Year's Eve, of all days.

Nwabineli’s exploration of grief is absolutely eviscerating and breathaking. I understand and see loss and grief in a new way. Part of the cruelty of suicide, the reason it is still such a taboo, is the unanswered questions it leaves behind: What would it have taken to keep him here? What possibly could I have done better? What is so wrong with me that I wasn't worth living for?" SOMEDAY, MAYBE is the story of Eve, a woman who has just found out that her husband unalived himself. In fact, she was the one who discovered the body. She handles her loss very poorly, falling into a depression that alienates her from her large and loving family, self-medicating with alcohol and substances, and dialing it in at a job that she never really loved. The plunge into this deep and profound grief is like a bleak and all-consuming ocean, and it shows how everything can end up being a trigger for someone who has spent many years of their life with someone who is suddenly and cruelly torn away. onyiwrites ‘ SOMEDAY MAYBE profoundly and deeply affected me. It’s a novel I will think about for years to come - and that’s the mark of a 5 star read.In her grieving, she is beginning to realise that all people want from her is to get better. It is to be happier, to stop crying but the type of pain she feels is not just the one of loss but one burdened by self-hate, self-blame and fear. The reminders was constant, no matter the amount of delicious Nigerian food her worried mother made, no matter the amount of cuddles she got from her amazing nieces and nephews, no matter the amount of time she spent with her stable brother (who by the way I have a crush on), "There is no reminder of pain as poignant as the physical manifestation of it over the place your heart resides". Why? It will make you more thoughtful and empathetic. It will give you scaffolding for profound grief and loss and it will make you more understanding of the unfathomable, complicated emotions that humans experience when their loved ones leave this world by their own hand.