Official Essex Girl Joke Book

Product Information

What is the difference between a walrus and an Essex girl ? One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus !

This kind of humour is the successor to those 'dumb blonde' jokes that Boomers seem to find hilarious. Great British Bake Off confirm fan favourite has left the Channel 4 show ahead of the final as viewers call for them to be made a 'fifth host' Five. One to make the mixture and four to peel the Smarties. What makes an Essex girl's eyes light up?

Ski and Snow

The Essex girl is, as Beverley Skeggs (2004) states, the ‘condensed signifier of the epitome of the white working-class woman in the UK’ (p.112) — tasteless, promiscuous, loud, fake. This cultural cipher has come to the fore of UK public life through the ‘structured reality’ television series, ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ ( 2010–). Historical origins What did an Essex girl and President Gorbachev have in common ? They both got f***ed by eight men while on holiday. Jennifer Lopez is fierce at 54 as she shares 'first of many' album covers for new release This Is Me... Now Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks ? It takes to long to retrain them if they take an hour.

Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ? She'd just blow dried her hair and didn't want it blown around too much. We think the 'Essex dictionary' is amazing but it can confuse the non-natives. Having to explain where Baz Vegas is and what we mean when we call someone 'a right sort' can be very ammusing. More recently, the TV programme Spitting Image had a song called Essex Is Crap, in which Bruce Forsyth's puppet sang about shell suits, leather sofas, coal-effect fires and karaoke. The late radio presenter John Peel, who lived in Suffolk, was so averse to Essex (and in particular its drivers) that whenever he headed home from London he bypassed it completely, choosing a longer route that took him through Hertfordshire and Cambridgeshire instead.

So why does the caricature persist? The invention of “Essex” is, above all, a political story. At a time when English identity – and the will of the “real people” – is at the centre of our politics, the usefulness of these myths becomes clearer than ever.