Parenting For Dummies

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That’s quite a bit to ask for, isn’t it? But remember that the rewards are great. You’ll raise a child who grows up to be someone others want to be friends with. They’ll contribute to their communities and generally be all-around great people. And that’s a great gift to society. The ever-present teacher Teaching your child how to be his own person requires you to understand what that means. So, you must enable your child to be his own person, have his own ideas, recognize and respect the fact that your and his ideas can be different. Yes, a child can have his own ideas about life. Although those ideas may differ from what you think or what you know to be true, they nevertheless are still his ideas. Another book that I suggest that you read is called The Emotional Incest Syndrome, What to Do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life, by Dr. Patricia Love. I admit that the title, to me at least, is a tad scary. But the reason that I suggest this book is to show you what to avoid. Too much of a friend can be defined as a parent who shares confidential information with a child or makes the child think of himself and that parent as best friends. Becoming too much of a friend leads a child to believe that he must help you to take care of your needs instead of you enabling him to grow and take care of his own needs. The friend versus parent conflict isn’t all doom and gloom because good parents can and do make things fun, the way that a good friend does. But beware of bad but not-so-obvious habits that you don’t want to develop, such as invalidating a child with a problem, which you probably learned from your parents. Examples include telling a child to stop whining because nothing really is wrong with him or telling him to get up because he isn’t really hurt. Being a good role model means no smoking, cursing, getting drunk, lying, cheating, crossing the street on a red light, stealing, yelling, ( think of your own nasty habit and enter it here), and so on. The Parenting Game never actually ends. Soon your kids will be older and have kids of their own. Then you’ll start all over with the I-told-you-so’s, which are a grandparent’s right (and which you’re probably getting enough of right now).

Up until now, you might have had someone else call the shots. But guess what? It’s your time to shine now! While it’s freeing to finally be considered an adult, having all of the responsibility can sometimes be scary. Goal-setting is one of the first items you need to do, and to set goals, you need to have some idea what you want to do, what you’re good at, and where you want to end up. I can and will find a responsible babysitter so that I can have some one-on-one adult time once in a while. Kids aren’t born politically correct. So, if you have any tendencies toward political correctness, now is the time to face reality and get over them. Kids call poop what it is. They’re more than happy to explain it to you — repeatedly in great detail. The same is true of throw-up, barf, heave, and spit up. All are real things about which your kids are more than happy and willing to share their unique knowledge. Five basic skills are involved in The Parenting Game. When you master these skills, you should be able to handle most situations that arise. The five basic skills are If you’re calm, relaxed, and don’t overreact to broken dishes and other such events, your children are likely to be calm and relaxed. On the other hand, if you’re nervous and tense, your children are likely to be nervous and tense.

Being consistent and following through are sort of like cousins marrying; the two concepts are related in a weird kind of way. If you’re not consistent, and you don’t practice follow-through, you’ll have problems with your kids. Do what you say, and think before you say it (the art of follow-through) Create a step-by-step plan with a timeline. If you don’t include a timeline, it’s much easier to put it off. Your kids will do anything they can to get your attention. Even if that means negative attention. If you don’t spend time with your children and give them positive attention, they’ll do whatever it takes to get your attention. If they find that pouring water on the floor is what it takes to get you to spend time with them, they’ll do it. As small children, these acts are innocent enough. But as your children get older, they’ll do dangerous things, like drugs and alcohol. Finding Your Sense of Humor in the Lost and Found Don’t say, Do that one more time and you’ll regret it. It sounds nice because it gives you an out; you’re not bound to do anything linked to that threat. But it’s better if you say instead, If you choose to do that one more time, then I’m not allowing AJ to spend the night tonight. Then if the child chooses to do the dastardly deed one more time, your follow-through is to say, You chose to do (whatever). Because you made that choice, AJ doesn’t get to spend the night. Then follow through by not allowing AJ to spend the night.

To learn more about making patience a part of your character, read Chapter 5, The Art of Keeping Your Cool. Behavior-management skillsSo, the object of the game is discovering how to perfect your parenting and relationship skills. To do that you must understand three basic things: Why do I keep bringing up the issue of an outside job? Because it is a major element in how parents treat their kids. People have a tough day at work and come home not wanting to deal with their children. Too bad! When you find yourself cutting short the time that you spend with your kids or ignoring them because you’ve already had a full day, that’s when it’s time to reevaluate your other job. Parenting is your first priority. Remember Being a new parent can make you feel more than a little frazzled. During your baby’s first year, take advantage of whatever helps, including the affirmations in the following list. Repeat them whenever the need arises. And expect the need to arise often. Without being evil, children have an uncanny ability to push all your buttons. You really need to be able to laugh at the things that ordinarily would drive you up the wall. In other words, relax. Don’t concern yourself with the fact that your 2-year-old has poured baby powder all over the place. Instead, grab the camera. It’s going to be a funny story in a few hours so you may as well snap it for the album before cleaning the little one up.

You need an effective way to express your ideas, wants, and desires to your kids. That’s communication. Speak clearly, precisely, and without a lot of babbling. But taking the time to listen also is important. In any relationship — even with your hair stylist — if you don’t, won’t, or can’t communicate effectively, you’re doomed. Doomed! Doomed! Doomed! If your children are your friends, they’re more likely to open up to you with their problems and concerns about school, peer pressure, or other things that bother them. Likewise, you’ll be more approachable when your kids look to you not only as a parent but also a friend. Introducing the Five Basic Parenting Skills How can parents befriend their children and still function as parents? This question is a tough one to answer and a difficult issue to approach. You want to be friends with your children, spending time together, doing things together, paying attention to each other, and helping them to grow up to be healthy, strong, independent people. But you don’t want to cross the line and forget about being a parent. The following guidelines can help you decide when and where to introduce your child to the great outdoors, but please remember that the only firm guide is each child's particular personality and physical condition. Whatever the activity, you must let them pace themselves.

Whether your kids attend public schools or are schooled in your home, you’ll need to help them with their homework and other educational needs. Take the time to explain how things work, and let your children help you cook and clean, grow some flowers. This is all part of education. WordsOfWisdom Making your punishment realistic also helps. For example, instead of saying "Do that one more time and I’ll ground you for a millennium, say, Do that one more time and you won’t get to have friends over for a week." Then follow through for a week and don’t allow friends to come over. If you tell your 6-year-old that you’ll take his ball away if he throws it again in the house, take his ball away the next time he throws it in the house.

Ages 14-18: Distances up to 12 miles become reasonable in this age group. Terrain choices and goal setting can become more challenging, but the axiom remains the same: Any choice must be a group choice, or the parent risks making the children feel dragged along. Anger usually is a parent’s first reaction because what kids do is unexpected and it’s also usually the parent who has to clean it up. So what? Stop, take several deep breaths, look at that sweet face, and smile. Anger is wasted energy and that energy should be spent somewhere else.Everything you do and say is absorbed by your child’s brain. This happens whether you want it to or not, so welcome to your second role as parent, that of teacher.