The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now

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We all have “unthought knowns.” Things we’ve forgotten about ourselves, but still know under the surface. In context here, Jay is referring to the dreams of who we want to be and what we want to do that get stiffled by “practicality” and our peers.

So, overall, if you are straight and privileged, if your parents are subsidizing your poor career choices and you are young enough to self-correct according to Dr. Jay's recommendations, you will probably like this book and you will be able to feel pretty good / smug about yourself for a few years. As a case in point, one of the final sections of this book concerns fertility—the biological limits on when a person can have a child. Now, this information is quite important to know, of course. Many people have overly-optimistic notions of when they can reliably conceive. However, it is clear that Jay basically takes it for granted that her reader is heterosexual and wants children. She even dwells on the sadness of grandparents hardly knowing their grandchildren, because of delayed child-rearing. But there is no discussion as to how a person can think through whether or not to have children, or advice for people who cannot. The message is simple: breed before it’s too late.

The Great Recession and its continuing aftermath have left many twentysomethings feeling naïve, even devastated. Twentysomethings are more educated than ever before, but a smaller percentage find work after college. Many entry-level jobs have gone overseas making it more difficult for twentysomethings to gain a foothold at home. With a contracting economy and a growing population, unemployment is at its highest in decades. An unpaid internship is the new starter job. About a quarter of twentysomethings are out of work and another quarter work only part-time. Twentysomethings who do have paying jobs earn less than their 1970s counterparts when adjusted for inflation.”

I think a better question than "How much do we need companionship and offspring?" is "How much do I need companionship and offspring?" It sounds like you already answered that one for yourself, and that is where the best answers come from.

Love goes into the importance of taking dating seriously in your 20s, compatibility with possible in-laws, how to make sure "living together" isn't harmful, and choosing the right partner. Excellently written, this book is sensitive to the emotional life of twentysomethings.-- Library Journal Never building up this capital and never getting good jobs leads to depression, sitting around at home, drinking, the opiod epidemic…

A continuing theme from people Jay talks to in their 30s is that they wish they had thought about serious relationships and marriage sooner. I found this book very helpful. I think anyone in their twenties who don't know what they should do with their life should read this book. Contemporary culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay argues that this could not be further from the truth. In fact, your twenties are the most defining decade of adulthood. THE DEFINING DECADE is the book twentysomethings have been waiting for. It will not tell you what you should do with your life, but it will inspire, motivate, and educate you to figure it out."― Rachel Simmons, author of The Good GirlTHE DEFINING DECADE is eye-opening, important, and a pleasure to read. I highly recommend it."― Wendy Mogel, author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus