Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

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The basic premise is that kids misbehave because they crave your attention, so the best way to prevent misbehavior is to proactively slather your kid in a ton of attention. Once they've misbehaved, you again slather them in attention in the form of empathy until they feel heard and loved. As a parenting coach, I know that sibling struggles can be heart-wrenching for parents. Dr. Laura's strategies are right on the money to help today's parents create more peaceful homes - and stronger sibling relationships. Great work! This idea is deeply rooted in the well-researched attachment parenting theory. In a nutshell, research shows that when children feel connected to us, they behave better, have higher self-esteem, feel more confident and less stressed, and are more resilient. These are all the necessary factors for optimal development. Dr. Laura Markham's work is practical, easy-to-apply and transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and fellow parent. Connecting through play has always been a huge part of my parenting & I like how this book emphasizes that. Even 10 minutes here and there being fully engaged with him helps.

I also feel like the author focuses on minutiae to an absurd degree. She claims that if you tell your daughter she's a good girl for working hard, she's going to believe she's only good when she's working hard, and this will lead to an unfulfilling life as a workaholic. (No, I'm not kidding or exaggerating.) This is THE book that was missing from my repertoire of gentle parenting resources. This is THE book that I read two times in a row while barely coming up for air. The is THE book that has actually showed me, in a palatable manner, how to be the patient, non-voice-raising mama I knew I could be. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids focuses on building connection between parents and children. The book has many ideas that can help parents stop yelling and over-reacting and really start parenting calmly and effectively, even during stressful situations. The book is full of insights and information but it's easy to read and actually applicable to everyday parenting, from meltdowns and power struggles to outlining more positive ways to deal with unacceptable behavior. Most parenting books focus on changing a child's behaviour, but the truth is that children only change when their relationship with their parents changes. I do gravitate towards the “peaceful parenting” philosophy, but there are other, much better books on the subject (Rest, Play, Grow is excellent, as well as Dan Siegel’s books). I also vehemently disagree with the author’s statement that “discipline never works” - she equates discipline with punishment, while in reality those are two VERY different things (discipline coming from the root word disciple, which simply means “to teach.”) I do agree that punishment (spanking, time outs, etc) rarely work, but true DISCIPLINE (teaching a child to clean up a mess they’ve made, teaching them to fix something that they’ve broken or solve a problem they’ve created) is important and very necessary as a parent!Dr. Laura's work has profoundly changed my parenting...I recommend it to anyone who was raised in a home where they were yelled at and/or have become yellers themselves. There is a better, more effective way to relate to and guide our children. The title really says it all. It's based on the latest research on brain development and clinical experience with parents, rather than opinion.

This isn't another "techniques" parenting book - it's a way of life. This book isn't another book trying to find creative ways to punish your kids, but it's instead about connecting and having a great relationship with your kids. It isn't about being a perfect parent...it's about being the type of parent you WANT to be. I'd recommend this to ANYONE with kids. Yes! In any kind of relationship, we cannot control other people. We can only influence. And as Hal Runkel noted in Screamfree Parenting, we can only become leaders for our kids and influence them only when we are in control of ourselves:Regulate themselves. “Your own emotional regulation – a fancy way of saying your ability to stay calm – allows you to treat the people in your life, including the little people, calmly, respectfully, and responsibly.” And this, in turn, helps children become emotionally regulated, respectful, and responsible. It all starts with us.

She tailors her advice for parents who have babies, toddlers, preschoolers and elementary age children. The tone throughout is warm and fuzzy, but I know that her compassionate parenting ideas work. My husband is a master of these techniques, and I'm still learning.

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So why the three star rating? The delivery didn't work for me on multiple levels. For instance, she supports the idea that the goal of setting limits is to inspire children to self-discipline over time and makes a distinction between discipline and punishment. But then she decides to call it "loving guidance" instead of "discipline". This tendency in modern parenting guides to try to coin shareable phrases annoys me... there's already a perfectly good word for what you're describing. There's a lot of this sort of flowery language and it doesn't appeal to me as a reader or as a parent looking for help in the day-to-day struggle of raising children. I am a SAHM to two boys, ages 4 1/2 and 18 months. I first found Dr. Markham when my youngest was about 10 months old and some major sibling issues reared

I saw immediate results with my 4 year old when I changed MY parenting to Dr. Markham's suggestions. I was glad to finally come across a book that focused on parents changing to work in unison with their children rather than forcing my child to adapt to my then, not so correct parenting.

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Phew. I realize this review is long but I mostly wrote it for myself, to help me process everything I’ve learned. Dr. Laura Markham is a mother herself, so she understands how hard parenting is, and she knows how to make science and theory into practical tips and scripts for busy parents.