The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum

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I have a few blog posts lined for the next coming months; such as further updates to the list the of published articles, in particular I have been informed to expect my article Pathological Demand Avoidance: Is it time to move beyond the pathological need to not to develop more inclusive pedagogical practices?

By sharing this, I also seek to acknowledge, validate, support, and truly see other parents of PDA children. They will make it clear when and how they will be available and meet these expectations, or provide as much notice as possible if they cannot. They haven’t let me leave those terms in the burial ground of my former way of speaking, but rather have been dragging them with me into this new, post-PDA-realization phase of life.Editor's Note: This article was originally published on March 6, 2023, and was last reviewed on March 7, 2023. We have a number of trained volunteers who help out at our clubs and activities for children and young people. Non-violence allows me to acknowledge the depth of my pain and disconnect with my son, as well as his with me, while also laying out a path towards reconciliation. But emotionally, like many PDA parents, I do have metaphorical blood on my walls and bones that must be laid to rest. This pattern has been observed since early childhood and did not emerge in the context of a specific stressful event.

That’s especially true when you’re receiving the message from other parents and teachers that you’re being too lenient with your child and that they lack discipline. E's difficulties around eating were entirely sensory in nature, bar when she feels unable to eat due to feeling overwhelmed. Where outwardly expressing her distress and melancholy was met with untold invalidation and abuse, E now internalises everything she feels. The score chart showed that a score under 50 meant that he was at no or low risk of being autistic, a score of 50-65 indicated that he needed to be monitored and a score of 65-110+ was an instant referral for an autism assessment.

As such not much can be taken from Thompson’s personal account due to the uncertain nature of what DAP and cannot be generalised to the wider DAPer population.

Once he stopped being at school (the beginning of the second week of January term starting) the violence completely stopped. Rather when he broke her arm, it was part of a physiological reaction caused by his brain-wiring and not under his control.

When he was an unruly middle school student, UK autism advocate Harry Thompson says he would often disrupt class by playing the role of a class clown and do cheap tricks just to get attention. But when I met her, she was just an ordinary person, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes while we talked in the town square, trying to find a way out of her personal pain. The time that felt like post-partum torture, woken every 20 minutes to incessant screaming, and shut in a one-bedroom apartment during a dark winter, awash with depression, alone, isolated.